Recently I was speaking with my younger brother. We were reminiscing about our childhood and telling old stories. He and I were and are very close. So, when he reminded me that as a child I never shared my food with him, I was taken aback and noticed irritation immediately. My thought was, “I am a generous person. How can you say that I am greedy and selfish?”
I wanted to argue, but after taking a moment’s pause, I knew that there was truth in his statement. This made me begin to look at some deeply embedded habits, especially as they pertained to food. Where else has this shown up in my life?
As I look into my pantry right now, I can see cans and bottles, multiple different types of flour, teas of varying flavors, bags of beans, and boxes of grains, bags of pretzels and chips. There is a plethora of food. How interesting this is. What am I saving up for? Why am I collecting food?
Whenever I make food for our family, it is always plentiful, and most times much more than we need. I never want anyone to go away hungry. I am sharing my love through food.
A few weeks ago, I heard an interview by William P. Young, the author of The Shack, and something that he said resonates so loudly within me now. He said, “More is the opposite of enough.” Here in my pantry I have more than enough, but do I think it is enough? I am aware that I would gladly share my kale salad, but when it comes to my comfort foods, those foods that soothe and calm, am I as giving?
As I sit with this, I recognize the fear, of not having enough. This points to the heart of the matter, because I have both access to, and the ability to purchase the quality and quantity of food needed to nourish my body and my family’s. This fear is sometimes called, “Scarcity mind” even though it is a hunger coming from the heart for most people. By turning the light on in my food pantry, my awareness illuminates my fear that I am lacking in comparison to others, or at other times, just not good enough.
How intrinsically connected our behavior is to our emotions and our thoughts. My heart longs for love, peace, and balance. What my heart longs for isn’t more. More doesn’t lead me to “enough” — to love or peace or freedom. As Saki Santorelli, author of Heal Thy Self, has said, “We can only long for something we have and must remember.” Through awareness and compassionate curiosity there is an opportunity to release the burden of needing more or the fear of not being enough. In the stillness of silence with an attitude of generosity, trust, and gratitude, there is space for what the heart longs for.
What is your heart longing for?
Have you ever connected compulsive or over eating with other places in your life where there is never “enough” or you think you are never “good enough”?
Lisa Rigau, USA